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15 Examples of Why Online Reviews are Nonsense

This is something that has tickled us since day one. The reviews that gins, and other spirits receive on the reviews sections of drinks websites like Masters of Malt and Amazon. You see, you’d think that this was a hugely important part of our work, and something that we take really very seriously. And we do, try to. But if you read through the rest of this article you’ll see why that’s so difficult.

Distilling is a subject that people get very passionate about, and that in part, is why we love it! Spirits are hugely varied and complex and therefore they divide people. My point is, it’s not uncommon to be sat in a bar and overhear an increasingly heated debate about which whiskey is hands down THE best in the world, based on two entirely different views of whiskey perfection. I’ve even been known to partake in a little pretentious drink chat myself. It’s fun to be knowledgeable on something, who doesn’t love it when their speciality subject comes up in a pub quiz. We all like to show off.

Now, imagine being given a platform to REALLY rant and rave, and no one is there to answer back. I mean, nothing that you say has to be based on any sort of fact because not only is it a topic built on personal preference, you’re allowed to voice it to literally thousands of people, and none of them can say you’re wrong!

Welcome, to the world of drinks reviewing.

We’ve put together a selection of our favourite quotes, one good and one bad, from the reviews section of spirits that have taken people weeks, months and even years, to fine craft and care for. Big names that many of us would consider at the top of their game and small-batch, artisan products that are working to make a name for themselves. Spirits that are not only the livelihood, but the lifeblood of men and women across the world…

 

      1.’I really love the notes from the cubeb peppers, lemongrass, and cloves.’

‘It either reminds me of (a) my great grandmother’s house (b) a pig barn’ – No offence   Grandma

 

  1.  ‘This gin is at another level’

‘it’s reminiscent of sweat’

 

  1. ‘A delight, it’s totally delicious’

‘It has NO discernible flavour. Just throw away your money instead. :)’

 

  1. ‘I love this’

‘I am furious’

 

  1. ‘beautiful rum, made by people who care’

‘what a bl**dy cheek.’

 

  1. ‘I can’t enjoy anything else now I’ve tried this!!’

‘you’ve set yourself on the road of shame’

 

  1. ‘Traditional in flavour and smell with a rich and smooth after taste’

‘The smell was absolutely foul. Even when we tried to plug our noses and drink it the taste reflected the smell.’

 

  1.  ‘Can’t get enough!’

‘Gasoline tastes better. I’d recommend buying a sample’ ?!?!?!?

 

  1. ‘A delicate flavour, not too much going on but an easy drinker and nice on the rocks’

‘Oh dear God, how can anyone drink this straight? I can only assume after repeated drinking the chemical burn has destroyed all tastbuds.’

 

  1. ‘Beautiful vodka, clean, crisp and distinctive’

 

‘quite the foulest ,most undrinkable liquid i have ever had the misfortune to taste’

 

  1. ‘One of the best rums I’ve ever tried. A bit more expensive, but lovely for a treat or a special occasion.’

 

‘It tastes like mushroom instant noodle soup to me. I only use it in tea, and i cannot find any other use for this piece of crap.’

 

  1. ‘ ‘Prachtig!’ as the dutch would say. A magnificent gin for martini’s and G&T’s’

 

‘Only drink if you no longer want to be alive.’

 

  1. ‘It has deep caramel tones to it and is incredibly moreish’

 

‘I would rather drink my own urine, or hot lava than a single drop of this, and that’s me being kind!’ – wow, wouldn’t want to cross you on a bad day

 

    14.‘I was so surprised by how smooth it tasted’

 

‘I almost died drinking this one . . .’

 

  1. ‘Very nice indeed. Another triumph from this distillery, they only get better’

 

‘I am horrified. This is so disgusting that it almost brought me to tears, I can’t imagine a worse way to spend £40. Awful stuff’ 

 

At this point it’s probably sensible for me to make it clear that none of these are reviews are of our gin! Although I’m sure if you trawl the internet hard enough you’ll find some real classics. This article is just for fun, but it does show you that you should make up your own mind, because no one else has your palate or preferences.